Category Archives: Aging out

What about these kids? Didn’t they NEED foster care?

One thing I’ve heard before – “What about the kids who NEED foster care?”

Well, what about them?  Please, show me some kids who NEED foster care.  I’ve never seen a kid who NEEDS foster care. I’ve seen kids who need family, a home, food, clothing. But I’ve never met anyone who NEEDS foster care.

The question, like so many illogical statements about foster care are simply begging the question – using a premise to support the question. The premise is that foster care is the solution to maltreatment, neglect and abuse. Ergo, kids in those situations NEED foster care because foster care is the solution.

Continue reading What about these kids? Didn’t they NEED foster care?

The foster language

A few months ago I had this weird thought… When the public speaks about racism, sexism, rape, abuse – all these wonderful things – we use a specific language. Rather, we use specific words in our language which have unique and different meanings.

For example, “sexual assault” can mean rape, or unwanted aggressive advances, or many things. But it’s clear when a victim of sexual assault uses that term that they are conjuring up something more traumatic. It is the specific use of these words and phrases in our language which allow the “normal” people to understand the specific trauma endured.

For foster survivors there is no common language. Yet. Let’s make one.

First word – “Survivor” – To have survived the trauma of foster care beyond age 18 and still be alive and functioning. Congratulations, you are now one of the 6%.

The price of admission

This summer, my wife and I completed the foster parent training course in our county.  I’m not sure we will foster at this time, but it’s on our radar.  Regardless, I went through a little dip in my psyche after six Saturdays of being triggered 4 hours straight and not screaming.

Depressing would hardly define my feeling as I watched the faces of every prospective foster parent in that class admit they have never heard of the ACES study on the last day of the course – even after the facilitator specifically instructed the class to view a video about the ACES study. “How many have heard of the ACES study?” Chirp. Chirp. Un-fucking-believable. {Here’s a nice Ted Talk so you have a clue about why the ACES study is so profound and why I probably won’t see my 75th birthday.}

Continue reading The price of admission

Some links and notes for May 10, 2018

See if you notice a pattern. This took all of 5 seconds to find:

(May 14 update: gong to keep revising this post as an ongoing list of aging out examples, check back often).

But remember, when you hear about the progress in foster care and how “it’s different now” than it used to be.

No.

It’s not.

Yes, there are people who care. Yes, there are good programs. Yes, there are good social workers and good foster parents out there. Yes, yes, yes.

But the data don’t lie. And systemically, it’s not changing.

Hidden-Truth-of-Aging-Out